Always
by Casie01
Summary: "It does get better...Losing someone is never easy...but one day, you'll remeber her and you won't hurt."


The late spring air was hallow, as if the heavens were matching the world around them to the feeling in their souls. The world was quite, much more quite than one would expect for a beautiful spring day.

A soft breeze washed across the coffin, causing small waves from the stars and stripes. A small group of mourners gathered around the flag draped coffin, a far cry from the endless rows of mourners that had filled the church just a few hours ago.

Seven officers stood at attention, their uniforms perfectly pressed, their guns ready for the order. In perfect unison the guns raised to the sky. As one they pulled the forearm of their guns forward "CLICK" before letting them slide back "Click". Seven men with perfect precision pulled the trigger, "Bang".

Three times; Click, click, bang. The twenty one shots echoed through the hallowed ground, the smoke slowing weaving its way through the rows and rows of memorials. With each sound of gun fire their bodies flinched. They had been here before, they had lost people before, but not like this and none had been like the person they were forced to say goodbye to.

 ** _Three Days Earlier_**

It was a normal house on a normal street, it could have been your neighbors house. The owner of the local corner store could have lived there, or it could have been one of the teachers at the local high school.

It was UnSubs, like this one, that were particularly heinous. The was no abuse in his history, no mother that emasculated him. He did it for the sport, he did it because he could, and he got away with it because he was just like everyone else; he was their neighbor, their friend.

The best minds of the FBI had been called in after the eighth woman's body had been discovered. Local law enforcement had hoped the murders were isolated instances, it had been after the third body had surfaced they knew something was amiss. This was a small, God fearing town, things like this didn't happen here. When the Police Chiefs daughter was the eighth victim they knew, they couldn't be objective and they couldn't find this man.

The BAU came, reading the case file it hadn't been a question of if but when they would leave. This is what they did, this was who they were, and this would be the case that would unknowingly shape the rest of their lives.

Eight bodies, eight women's lives cut short. They were white, black, Asian, Hispanic. They were rich and poor, prostitutes and professionals. This monster didn't discriminate, making this UnSub harder to predict. Eight bodies, eight hiding places, eight different ways to kill. Stabbed, suffocated, tortured, this monster enjoyed the kill, not the method just the kill.

He had been difficult to predict, difficult to pin down, it was a case that took more out of them than they had ever had to give. They didn't stop, they were relentless; they wouldn't give up, they couldn't fail.

A ninth body found, a tenth woman taken. It was the ninth body that a mistake was made, he wasn't sloppy, no he had done everything to plan. What was the fun of murder if they didn't know your handy work.

The team surrounded the two story home, with its white picket fence and perfectly trimmed grass. The neighbors watched in horror as the six agents quietly surrounded the house, the tall dark agent kicking the door in with ease.

Guns trained in front of them, vests strapped on tight, they were ready for whatever may lie in this house. Morgan climbed the stairs his eyes darting from side the barrel of the gun following every movement of his brown eyes. Clearing the hallway he waved a finger to the left, Emily quickly making her way down the dark hallway, Reid not far behind. Slowly and methodically they cleared room after room.

Aaron led the team through the main dining room and into the kitchen, signaling at the basement door. JJ took a deep breath as she waited for Rossi to open the door, once the door was open she made her way into the dark abyss, the only light coming from the torch in her left hand. Hotch and Rossi checked the expansive bottom floor looking for any clue, for any sign.

Carefully Jennifer Jareau descended the stairs, the moment her foot touched the cold cement floor she smelled it. It was a smell that would never go away, the indescribable but familiar scent of death. The cold metallic scent of blood, the rancid smell of rotting flesh, the echoes of death forever tainting these walls.

Laying on the cold metal table, her body shaking uncontrollably; both out of fear and pain, was their tenth victim. She was there just like he promised, still clinging to life crying out for a savior. It was the boy standing over their victim that they hadn't expected. He was barely sixteen years old, his green eyes unable to mask the terror in his heart as he stood over his father's prize.

His shaggy blonde hair, the innocence in his eyes, those eyes could have been one of her boys. She couldn't let him do this, she couldn't lose him the way they had lost those innocent women. He, like them, had been innocent before Nicholas Vanlindt had tainted them.

Gun still in her right hand Jennifer lifted her hands, a sign that she didn't want to hurt him. It was too late for his father, it was too late for those nine women, but it wasn't too late for him or the girl shaking beneath him.

"You don't have to do this," She started slowly approaching not wanting to send him over the edge. "I can help you."

The sixteen year old laughed, she had no idea who he was or what he had done. There was no coming back from the things he allowed his father to use him for. He had done those things, not because he wanted to, not because he enjoyed it, but because for the first time in his life his father had been proud.

"Timothy, let her go. Let Katie go and we can talk, just you and me." Jennifer was almost pleading with the sixteen year old, knowing exactly what could happen in circumstances like this.

Dark green eyes stared into her bright blue ones, almost begging her to end it. Begging her to save them all.

"I understand Timothy," she tried to sympathize with him they way Hotch had taught her. "You're a straight A student, Captain of the Football and Baseball team, you go to Church on Sundays, volunteer on Saturdays. You would do anything to make him happy, anything to make him love you."

She took a step closer to him, "It's not your fault Timothy."

Half a second, it took half a second for everything to change. Without a blink his hand reached down grabbing the cold black piece of metal pointing it at her.

In moments of crisis the human body responds with a flight or fight protocol. She had been trained for fight. With the slightest movement of his body she had the gun pointed at him. _Aim for center mass,_ her training kicking inn.

In a flash her gun went off, the sixteen year old falling to the ground. The sound of the gun ringing in her ear covered the sound of his gun going off. The bullet tore through her body, entering just under her left arm, her gun raised in self defense had exposed a weak spot in her vest.

Her body hit the ground before she registered the pain. Her vest covering with blood as she gasped for air. The sounds of screams filled her ears, the words jumbled together into a mess of letters, none forming into actual words in her mind.

The sound of gun fire, two shots, stopped the team cold. The sound came from below them, abandoning their search they ran towards the sound, ran to the danger rather than from it.

Aaron was the first to fly down the stairs, the sounds of his boots against the wood echoing. The smell of death masked momentarily by the scent of gun fire. The echoes of death replaced by a woman's cries.

The blonde agent lay against the cold concrete, a puddle of blood under her petite frame. That was the first thing he saw, the only thing he saw, when he rushed into that basement. He ran to her, pushing his hands against the open wound, crying out to her.

Rossi followed the Unit Chief, just a stride behind him. Her blue eyes meeting his, unable to mask the pain. He wanted to rush over to her, hold her hand, tell her everything was going to be ok. He needed to be with her, but in her eyes he saw something he should have been expecting. She was pleading with him, begging him to help the woman who had been meant to be their final victim, the victim who would make it out of this hell hole.

Emily rushed to her friends side, running a hand through her corn silk hair. Calling for medics as Aaron pushed harder against the wound, trying to stop the blood that flowed so easily from her small frame.

Morgan pushed through the pain, there would be time to comfort later, they still had a job to do. Despite his heart breaking, despite every fiber of his being telling him to go to her, he ran to to the boy instead. Quickly kicking the gun away, he placed to fingers against his neck, no pulse would be found. Watching his friend gasping for breath, he wanted nothing more than to revive that boy and kill him himself.

Reid stood at the bottom of the stairs, his mind moving at a hundred miles an hour. He remembered everything she had said to him, everything they had done together, and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough, they couldn't lose her, he couldn't lose his best friend.

The pain slowly subsided, her body growing colder and colder. Tears flowed from her blue eyes as she came to terms with what was happening. Despite their pleas she knew, the ambulance would never get there in time. She loosened the tight grip her right hand still had around her gun, raising it slowly to caress his face one last time.

" _God, I love this man so much._ " Her mind was fading but looking into his eyes she remembered the things that were most important. Falling in love with him, their wedding day, their children, the life they had made together.

"It's ok baby, you're going to be ok Jen." Aaron verged on begging her for the impossible. He could see it in her eyes, she knew as well as he did she wouldn't be coming home this time. "I love you so much Jennifer, you have made my life complete." Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her soft lips, needed to feel that warmth one last time, knowing it would never be enough.

"Don't….please…don't leave me…" her voice was shaking, her strength wavering despite every attempt to fight. "Stay…"

"Always, Jen, always," Aaron promised wishing he could take her pain away, wishing she could stay.

At the end of life they say your life flashes before you; the good, the bad, and the ugly. For Jennifer it was only good, the bad and ugly forgotten in these last moments. She clung to the memories of her boys, of teaching Jack to dance, playing soccer with Henry, holding Michael for the first time.

Memories of the team, not the cases, but the moments in between. Cooking lessons at Rossi's, training with Morgan, the happy memories that sustained them when the darkness seemed to consume their world. She clung to memories of drinks with Emily and Garcia and card games with Reid. They were a team, they were friends, and they were family, always and forever they were family.

Jennifer had thought she had known what love was when she was sixteen and dating the quarterback, at seventeen she learned how much love could hurt when he dumped her for another girl. She had loved Will, God she had loved him, he had given her Henry. As much as they loved each other, it wasn't the kind of love that sustained a relationship. Will had let her go, as much for her as for himself and their son. Will had found the kind of love one searches for back in New Orleans, his only wish being that she found that kind of love.

She had finally learned true love, the kind of love that takes your breath away, from the man she never imagined she could have. Their first kiss, along the banks of the Potomac had melted away any fear she had. Becoming his wife, saying those vows, she knew this was the man she had to hold on to and never let go.

Aaron wiped the tears from her eyes, telling her how much he loved her.

"Tell them, please…Jack…Henry…Michael, please…"JJ's mind became a fog of memories mixed with pain, she struggled to form a coherent thought. She needed them to know, she needed her sons to know how much she loved them. Jack, the son she didn't carry but who's love grew in her heart. Henry, her first miracle, the boy that took after her in every way imaginable, the son Aaron loved as his own. Michael, the baby she was never supposed to have. The boy that had her smile and his father's features. Her boys had to know how much she loved them, how hard she fought to come home to them.

"They know Jen, they know. And I promise they'll always know how much you loved them." Aaron brought his hand to his chest, placing it against his beating heart. "You'll always be with us baby, always."

Three days later a hero was buried. Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau-Hotchner was laid to rest just outside their Alexandria home. She had been buried with full honors. She had died in the line of duty, laying her life down so the young woman could live.

As time moved on visits to the cemetery became fewer and fewer. Cemetery's were places for remembrance not for living. Aaron and the boys came daily for awhile, then weekly, monthly, and finally on special occasions.

Just as Aaron promised he carried her in his heart, taking her with them through life's journey. Her team, her family, all carrying her in their hearts, taking her with them, never letting her memory fade.

She was with them, always with them. Through life's ups and downs, twists and turns, she was there. Their silent guardian angel, protecting them, loving them the way they loved her.

She was with Spencer when a year after her death he realized he just couldn't do that job anymore. His life had been dedicated to the BAU, in his entire life he had never had what he had found in them. He found friends, he found family, but that had come with a price, a cost he could no longer afford to pay.

He had lost Gideon and Elle to the horrors of this job, both unable to handle the darkness this job brings. He had lost his beautiful Maeve, the first girl he every truly love, not because of this job but despite his skills this job had been unable to save her. Loosing JJ. had been the price he couldn't bear to pay.

He had thought he loved her once, before realizing he confused friendship with love. Reid had been so lucky he had gotten to call her friend. He was her "Spence", and she was the sister he never had. The pain of her loss too great to bare, the thought of losing someone else unimaginable.

Jennifer had been with him, guiding him, when he left the team. Her silent assurance that they would still be family, that he would still have his big brothers and sisters. It wasn't the BAU that bonded them, it was something much deeper than that.

Spencer carried JJ with him as he taught profiling classes at the academy. Reminding new cadets of the price they may all be called upon to pay for this job, how she had laid down her life for another.

JJ was with him, smiling, as he met the woman that would steal his heart, putting back together the shattered pieces the job had broken it into. She had smiled from the front pew as he said his vows, unable to stop himself from reciting a brief history of the wedding vow. His new wife and laughed, she didn't care, that was who Spencer was and this woman loved every thing that made Spencer who he was.

And JJ was there on that early fall evening when Spence gained a new title, Dad. He could feel her presence as he held the six pound ten ounce baby in his arms, his perfect little girl, his Jennifer Diane Reid.

Morgan took her death hard, he blamed himself, he should have been with her, should have protected her. She was with him through every sleepless night, every 2 a.m. battle with the punching bag. And she was with him when he was finally able to let the anger subside and the grief take over. She couldn't hold him the way Savannah had, but she was with him, assuring him all the same.

Morgan could feel her presence in everything he did, she was always there a quite voice inside him helping guide him. When Aaron left the team, he knew she was there as he took over the role of Unit Chief, a post he never wanted but excelled at.

Because of her, because of the love she had with Aaron up to the moment of her death, he had become a better man. His life with Savannah wasn't easy, they both loved their jobs. Seeing the way JJ and Aaron had found a way to balance that job and their family, Derek found a way to balance the love of the job with the love he had for Savannah.

She was with him as he finally opened his heart up completely to that woman. Trusting her in ways he had never trusted anyone before. JJ was with him as he battled the demons of his past, comforting him silently as he let the last wall fall down, the wall that Carl Buford had put up was gone.

Penelope took her death the hardest, she hadn't been there that day, hadn't been able to hold her friend one last time and say goodbye. Her best friend was gone, the heart of their team was gone, and Penelope had lost her light.

Through all the pain and darkness Jennifer was there, doing her best to comfort her best friend, her sister.

In the weeks and months that followed her death the BAU wasn't the same, yes they had lost their friend but they lost so much more. They lost their heart when Jennifer took her last breath, but with their heart they lost their light. Penelope wasn't the same, the grief consumed her.

JJ was there smiling when her eleven year old son knocked on the analysts door. Her Henry, with his sparking blue eyes and mischievous grin. "I miss my mom, Aunt Penny," preteen started as she stared at him in shock, "But I can't lose you to." Tears covered both their eyes as she pulled her Godson next to her, clinging to him as the sobs racked her body.

Garcia thought the light inside her died when JJ died, seeing that young man she realized it had only flickered. The had lost their heart and only her light could find away to fill that missing space.

JJ watched as Penelope filled their dark world with a healing light. Penelolpe was there to love her boys and remind them and their father of the good times, and stop focusing on what they lost. Penelope was the light of the team, even as the team changed. People came and went from the BAU, it was never the same but she was there protecting them. Penny was there protecting her babies until the day Derek finally retired.

Penelope had kept her promise, she had protected those that her best friend had loved and made sure they all went home. With her family safe Penelope shut off her computers one last time, slowly walking through the sixth floor halls, smiling at the countless memories they made there. Paused for only a moment staring at the smiling picture of her her best friend, "We did it Jayge, their all ok." Penelope wrapped her arms around herself, almost as if she could feel JJ around her, "Thank you Garcia," a soft wind blew through the halls as Garcia finally moved on with her life.

It took two years but Emily finally left the BAU making the decision that would forever change her world. In everything Emily said or did she took her friend with her, never forgetting the best friend she had ever had.

Jennifer was with her when she signed those papers, as Emily carefully signed page after page she could hear her friends voice, a ghost from the past, " _I think it's a good idea though…you, kids…I can see it._ "

And so Jennifer was there as Emily became a mother, as she signed the adoption papers for the five year old boy that so desperately needed to be loved. And JJ was there through every moment of self doubt, through every sleepless night, protecting Emily and her son from the horrors this world all to often offered.

In the days following her death Dave Rossi had contemplated retiring again, not sure if he could handle going through this kind of loss again. He had stayed on, pushed through the pain in his heart, he had done it for her.

It had been her that reminded him why he did this job, why he wrote his books. She told him how he had inspired her, he wished she knew how much she inspired him everyday.

Dave took her with him across the country, case after case, she was with him. He carried her in his heart, using the compassion that was so innate in her to fuel him, to make him a better profiler.

She was with him on the case in San Francisco, the team had changed so much. Penelope still in Quantico protecting her babies, Morgan leading the team of new profilers, and Dave the backbone of their group. He had carried two small boys out of the hell that had threatened to snuff out their short lives, fighting back tears as they were reunited with their families.

Rather than going back to the hotel he spent that night with his own daughter and grandson, enjoying their company. She was there with him that last night, holding his hand as his heart gave out. She was with him as he was reunited with Carolyn and James, and she was with his family as they said goodbye.

In life she was torn between two worlds, two worlds in competition with each other. She was a wife and mother, she was an Agent. When she wasn't in the field people were dying, when she was in the field the boys were with out their mother. Death had brought her what life couldn't, the chance to do both. She could protect her team, she could kiss her boys goodnight. Being able to be with all of them was a small benefit to death, one she would have gladly given up for one more day.

Jack Hotchner knew loss, he has lost his mother as a child and then lost the woman that would love him like a mother when he was a teenager. When JJ first came into his life the small boy had been scared he was replacing his Mom, that some how he was forgetting the mother that died for him.

At a young age Jack learned he could love Jennifer and still carry Haley with. When, at thirteen years old he was told JJ had been killed he didn't think his heart could handle the loss. He learned at that young age to carry those he loved with him, they weren't there phyically but they were always with him.

JJ was with Jack, Haley standing right there with her, both protecting the boy they called son. JJ was with Jack when he followed his father's footsteps to Georgetown, and she was cheering right along with the crowd, maybe even the loudest, when he walked across that platform, years of hard work culminating with a law degree. JJ wiped her eyes as the tears flowed freely as the young boy had quickly become a man in front of her eyes.

Jack carried his momsin his heart and in his memory. They were with him when he got down on one knee asking his high school sweetheart to marry him. The two empty seats at his wedding a physical reminder of the love his moms had for him, and that he had for them.

JJ was there on Christmas eve as the man lifted his own son on his shoulders, putting the Angel at he top of the tree. She was there with him as he tearfully showed his children the special ornaments for their grandmothers. JJ was there for that little boy as he became a man, the same way she was for her own flesh and blood, because the love she had for him was no different.

It as in the quiet of the night that JJ would sit and watch her baby boy, her Henry. Jennifer Jareau was an independent modern day woman, she never thought children were in the cards for her, not with the job she did and what she saw everyday.

The moment they had placed Henry in her arms she loved that boy more than she ever imagined possible. At eleven years old she had watched tearfully as Aaron explained to her baby she was never coming home. The cry's her boy made hurt more than any bullet ever could.

She was with him through it all, the tears over her loss. The pain his heart felt, the anger inside of him. She was there when he tore his room apart, screaming as he threw soccer trophies across the room begging God to bring her back, blaming her for leaving him. She sat with him as he spent hours staring at the cracked frame, he hadn't meant to break that picture, he had been so mad at her he couldn't help it.

JJ would sit by his bed watching him sleep at night, clutching that picture, their first picture, to his chest. She promised him as long as he kept her in his heart she would always be there, she would never leave him.

In the still of the night she would whisper in his ear as he slept, "No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow, and even if you stray far, I'll love you forever, 'cause you'll always be my baby star."

Despite wanting to do more she could only watch as her little boy grew into a teenager, hormones changing him from a gangly twelve year old to a handsome thirteen year old. Henry was JJ's twin, soccer star but still grounded, a leader but still able to do what was needed for the team. He had a natural charisma about him, and a need to help people that was all JJ.

With her heart filled with pride she was with him as he led his soccer team to the Virginia State Championship. Tears spilled as he graduated high school, declining scholarships to multiple colleges instead attending Annapolis, his leadership skills the perfect fit for military life.

JJ protected her son through multiple deployments, and when he was injured in the field she held his hand comforting him until help arrived. She was with him when as he stood in the White House, the Medal of Honor placed around his neck. He had taken the brunt of the blast that almost taken his life, pushing his fellow soldiers out of the way, saving their lives.

She sat with him the countless times he sat at her grave confused where his life should go, medically retired from the service the baby she carried was now a man. She helped guide him from his military life to the new life that awaited him. A life that she was apart of, every moment and every breath she was with him.

Michael Aaron Hotchner had been her miracle baby, the child doctors told her she could never have. Michael was equal parts of both his parents. Messy brown hair, piercing blue eyes, his stoic demeanor from his father, his smile from his mother.

Michael had been five years old when his mother died, neither feeling like they ever had enough time with each other. Michael, like Jack, depended so much on others for memories of the woman he called mom. Michael could spend hours looking through his mother's old photo albums, closing his eyes putting each moment to memory.

The picture by his bed a constant reminder she was with him, maybe not physically but still there none the less. Michael could feel her presence in everything he did.

He could feel his mother with him as Aunt Penny, with tear soaked cheeks, taught him how to dance for Prom. Michael spent hours out in the garage teaching himself to play darts, because he had heard how good she had been at them. He could feel her smile, and almost hear her laugh, the day he hustled Morgan, wiping the floor with his pseudo Uncle.

As Michael grew up more and more of Aaron's features came through, her eyes and smile never leaving. JJ watched him grow from a boy to a man, so proud of who he was becoming, hoping he knew how proud of him she was. And when her baby became a police officer, she held her breath and his hand as he protected those around him.

Aaron, most of all, never let JJ stray far from his mind and heart. After losing her he did what he hadn't been able to do after Haley died, he retired from the FBI. His boys had lost so much, he couldn't let them lose anymore. Aaron became a full time Dad, teaching classes at the FBI while the boys where in school.

Aaron could feel his soulmate with him through all of life's challenges. The sleepless nights when their bed felt empty, the days he wished he didn't have to do this alone. The moments he knew he was doing it wrong, that she would have done it better. When the one of his boys would cry out for her, he felt more helpless than he had ever felt, unable to give them what they needed, the guilt of her loss stronger than ever.

JJ tried to comfort Aaron, to assure him that her death wasn't his fault, it was just apart of living, a consequence to the job the did. There were moments his mind gave him a reprieve where he knew it wasn't his fault, and others, other times the nightmares never seemed to end.

Jennifer Jareau was the love of his life, his soulmate. He had loved Haley with his entire being, but there was something about Jennifer that was different, he couldn't explain it, it just was. He tried to date others, even felt her pushing him to find another love, but there was no other love as great as the love he felt for that woman, and no woman could come close to the love they had shared.

JJ was with him through every moment of their lives. Birthdays, graduations, weddings, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and all the moments in between she was by his side. Her death ended their physical relationship but the connection they had, the love they had, carried on.

She was there with him, the night he closed his eyes one last time. He was an old man, he had lived a long life just like she had wanted. She was with him, comforting him, holding his hand as he took his last breath. One moment he was lying in their bed closing his eyes, smiling at the memory of their family. The next he was with her, they were young again, young and together. She had waited for him, making sure she was the one he saw on this day.

He ran his hand threw her soft blonde hair, for the first time in a lifetime their lips pressed against each other's, "I never let you go, Jennifer." He barely whispered.

"I was with you, always."


End file.
